How I Am Different from my Best Friend:

I hear, "first date to a tree farm to chop down a little Douglas fir for the holidays", and I think, "Ooh, fun!".

She hears this and thinks, "he's probably going to chop me up and murder me!".

Dude, go on your date, text me with his license plate information, and stay away from the axe.

Have fun, be yourself.

Unlikely Super Heroes...

Aquaman is the most disdained super hero ever. Recent criticism of his lame super powers led to a correspondence between me and a friend regarding other unlikely super heroes.

Here are my contributions:

- Rocketman: the ability to hide his identity; he's not the man they think he is at home. Oh, no. No, no. He's Rocketman.
- Obamaman: the ability to convince a group of people you could be their leader even though your middle name is 'Hussein' and many of the people who support you spent the greater portion of this decade being afraid of Arabs.
- Particle-Man: the ability to be in a song by They Might Be Giants.
- Triange-Man: see above.
- Universe-Man: see above.
- Foreman: a renaissance man of sorts; he's a golfer, a construction worker, a jury member, a city in Arkansas, and, if the words "of Signals" follow his name, he is also the most highly qualified non-commissioned signal equipment managers and Incorporated Engineers in the Royal Corps of Signals.
- Bitterman: the ability to never-ever-never-ever-ever let go of a grudge.
- Walkman and Discman: both with the ability to become items that only those earning less than $20K per year possess after the ipod is released.

And, these were not some of my contributions:

- Hans Moleman - ability to perform as loveable simpsons character.
- George Foreman - ability to grill sausages.
- Moldman: the ability to speed up the molding process of food items (ie: bread)
- Landman: the ability to foresee the erosion of land for up to (and including) 10 years into the future
- Leiderman: the ability to be jewish
- Folkman: his gentle voice calms even the most hardend criminal.
- Milkman: can deliver milk and dairy goods on an almost regular basis.
- Tim the Toolman Taylor - can captivate an audience of millions with fresh, new ideas in comedy.
- The Belt Brothers: they borrow each others belts for the greater good of the galaxy.
- Talkman: he can talk really slow or really fast.
- Hoboman: can collect change from passersby in a matter of hours.

However, we could have never been ready for the power of Tree Man from Indonesia.

On Houses

When I first moved to Chicago, I started obsessing over saving money for a down payment on a condo which I intended to purchase during the summer of 2008. Reality (not realty) set in gradually over the next few months: I have no idea where I will be living and working in three years. I don't want to make an investment on something I will have to turn around and sell so quickly. I also don't want to deal with the property management of renting to someone remotely.

Around the same time, Matthew started continuously asking me if I would like to go in on a down payment on property in Colorado. His intention was for me to front the down payment on a foreclosure that he would then fix up. However, we wouldn't flip the house, but rent it instead.

Less than lukewarm about the idea of making such an investment my own brother, I flew off for Denver the Monday before Thanksgiving. After midnight, Matthew asked me if I could be up at 7:00 in the morning, so that we could drive around and look at foreclosed properties in the greater Denver area.

Obviously, he was serious about this. But I was serious about my vacation and sleeping in. A fight quickly ensued. "You think I am a bank; you didn't even warn me that we were looking at properties in advance." In the long run, and without any tears shed, I realized that I am not so much worried about losing money as I am potentially ruining my relationship with my only sibling.

As the week went on, and we hiked around the NCAR grounds and the Rocky Mountain National Park, the altitude and scenery got to me, and I am once again considering saving up for a down payment for next summer, but this time in Colorado.

I returned to Chicago, wondering if development is somehow in my family's blood. The men on my father's side have either built their own house or build houses for others. My father is an architect, and my brother is now obsessed with property management after having earned his appraiser's license and in the process of acquiring a brokerage license. With this thought still in mind, I opened my email only to find out that my cousins just purchased a home in Croatia.

I guess you can't deny who you are. Just as much as it may be my brother's inclination to renovate and manage a house, it has always been my inclination to save money for the purpose of investing. On my mom's side of the family are those with an inclination for legal matters, so I guess we'll be sitting down with them soon.

*If Matthew ever sends me pictures from my trip, I will post those soon.*

DIY Home Repairs with Katie

What to do when your carbon monoxide detector is beeping every minute:

1) Drink one glass of grenache, two gin and tonics, and one-half of a bottle of Trois Pistoles.
2) Assume that the detector is hard-wired to electrical circuits in the ceiling (therefore also assuming that the problem is not a low battery).
3) Stand on the tallest, most unstable chair you own and start unscrewing the contraption and all wires from the ceiling.
4) Watch as sparks fly.
5) Fix the fuse you blew.
6) Notice that the contraption is still beeping, and insist on thowing it out your balcony door.
7) Heed the recommendation of your friend who instead suggests that you put the detector in the freezer.
8) Go to your room immediately and pass out.
9) Wake up the next morning and retrieve the carbon monoxide detector.
10) Notice the 9-Volt battery inside and say oops.

My Thoughts on Open Mic (This Doubles as a Multiple Choice Quiz)

Open Mic Night is:
a) therapy for poor people
b) not somewhere a wool dress should be worn
c) free, but ironically costly at the same time

In order to have more fun at Open Mic Night, the following is/are required:
a) cheap beer
b) bad beer
c) someone who approaches you to say, "Miss, you look sharp"


You will see the following performances at Open Mic:
a) people who sing through their noses
b) people who write songs with self-pitying lyrics
c) lots and lots and lots of guitar

After Open Mic Night you will:
a) almost forget where your friend's car is parked
b) wake up at 4:44 am with a hangover
c) wonder if the organ player and guitarist on the right are married

Guillermo Del Toro is Coming Out with a Christmas Movie!

I love Del Toro, because I secretly believe in ghosts. And because, let's face it, Hellboy is an awesome movie. Maybe we should even go so far as to call it a film.

Pardon my pun, but I am way behind on my Del To(u)rism, and finally watched "The Devil's Backbone" last night. [Spoiler warning]. Ok, worst case scenario for an adult murderer: not only is your victim avenged by a group of boys about half your age, but, as you are thrown into the same pool in which you drowned said victim, you are embraced by his ghost, knowing that you will spend an eternity in the same confines that hid your most vile sin. This is way messed up, but everything I have seen by Del Toro is so brilliant.

That's why I am worried about The Orpanage. Seriously, watch that trailer and tell me it's not a little too similar to everything else he's done. I realize that a beautiful and sad story of regret or wrong-doings will be unveiled, I already know that the child will experience some coming-of-age moment through his bravery (in other trailers it is evident she has a son). I know that the ending will be sad, but will not leave me feeling unfulfilled, and that through some ironic twist, it will almost seem to be a happy ending.

If I am wrong, I am sorry. If I am right, I probably still won't be sorry. Because it will still be a ghost story, and these are so rare these days, unless they are totally pointed at the teenaged "Scream" audience.

Catching Up on Lost Time

It's been awhile. Which means I have both random and serious thoughts to share with all y'all (translation: the two people who read my blog).

1) Oil of Olay Products are superior to all other products, no matter what the guy at the Benefit counter says.

2) The most fun Halloweens ever are spent among lots of gay men, and usually involve a parade of some sort through the most homosexual part of the city (see San Francisco, 2000; Chicago, 2007; future Halloweens in other gay areas).

3) The best thing for a good workout regimen is a healthy long distance relationship. I rode the red line home with a coworker last week. She had been in a long distance relationship all throughout undergrad and will be marrying that same boyfriend soon. She thinks that a long-distance relationship is harder once you start working, because without someone to come home to, you could possibly convince yourself not to leave work. Not so...as long as you have two spinning instructors who are on a first-name basis with you and a pilates instructor who knows you are the one in her class that gets the horrible toe cramps. If you have the morning and evening schedules of the front-desk workers at your gym memorized, you are most likely in a long-distance relationship. If you have utilized most all offerings of your gym, you might be in a long-distance relationship. I am happy to know that with my resting metabolic rate and activity factor I can eat upwards of 2400 calories each day, but I still miss Nathan. This is pathetic.

4) Are you ready? This is actually pretty deep. I am politically moderate, a centrist, if you will, along with the majority of other Americans. I am really thinking it is time for the centrists to revolt against religious and political zealots (who elect individuals with extreme beliefs in local elections). When these elected leaders eventually find themselves in big-time politics, they really make our country look bad. And extremely conservative. Or extremely liberal. But we're not either, or at least the majority of us are not. I don't know what the moderate slogan would be: "I'm in the middle; hear me roar!"? In numbers too big to ignore? No, we're big in numbers, but definitely ignored. It has always seemed to me that political involvement is a bit too passionate, too fervent. To the point where it's scary. But, being middle-of-the-road, I just can't go out and stand in the middle of the road with a sign that says "While I understand the consequences of abortion, and believe it should be rare, I also believe it should be legal, because we can't assume that we understand every woman's unique position". I don't even know if that would fit on a sign. I just don't know.

I am accepting slogans now. Also, be it known that I likely wouldn't have gone on this rant if my day would have been a little different two Saturdays ago.