Wednesday, July 9, 2008

This Blog Sucks...

To save, or not to save.

Saturday, January 12, 2008

How Katie Got Her Groove Back

Lucy is my friend, and I went clubbing with her tonight.

I like to dance at weddings, and sometimes other female attendants of these weddings tell me (often at the sinks in the restroom) that I am a bouncy dancer. I apologize to these ladiezzz, but I cannot stop the bouncing. I can jump high. I have strong calves. I am not sure if these are the cause or the result of my bouncy-style.

I digress. Obviously.

So, at the club tonight, I told Lucy that I think my bouncy dancing is representative of white folk. Two hours later, after witnessing my dancey-style, she told me that I do not dance like a white person at all. According to her, I am a soul-sister of Detroit.

Thank you. This is the nicest complement I have gotten since I was told I was "the bestest" a few nights ago.

I am back on the dancing scene. I think.

If I sound drunk, I doubt it. Tonight's drinking record:

- 1 glass of wine at 6:30 pm
- 1 gin and tonic at 11:30 pm
- A few slogs of a vodka cranberrry at 1:00 am


Peace out.

Happy, Adrienne? I posteded.

Tuesday, December 25, 2007

Irony = A Mean Man Who Loved Agrarian Life Now Pending Apple Tribute

By request, please select which portrait you think would make a better apple stencil.

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

How 'Bout This Apple?

Yes, that is an apple branded with my company's logo. Keep in mind that this is not a stamp on the apple, but that the apple has in some way been manipulated to grow this way.

I have a lot of feelings regarding this apple that I can't articulate yet...mostly regarding absurdity. Paramount, however, is that there must have been a lot of pre-contemplation that went into this gift...what is the lifecycle of an apple?

Monday, December 10, 2007

Future Events Such as These Will Affect You in the Future

Because I so do so love self-assessments, I have recently become obsessed with my results from Strengthsfinder 2.0. According to the test, my strengths are communication, ideation, strategy. I am also futuristic and an activator.

The book suggests that, because these five characteristics are my strengths, I should focus on them, and not worry so much about my weaknesses. To someone who is very good at trying to compensate for her own shortcomings, this is a nice sentiment. No longer should I consider how awful I am at sorting details, but instead I should try to hone in on the things in which I naturally excel, such as being able to see the big picture.

I can't help but feel that this adds a little pressure: to know that you could possibly outdo yourself and surpass even your own expectations. This assumes, of course, that the assessment is accurate, so let's just say it is. Essentially, to know you have these skills and talents, and then to take them to your fullest advantage...this is a big responsibility.

So, because of my apparent communication strength, I am writing a lot these days. Not just for writing's sake, but in an effort to be better understood and more understandable. Technically, I should be writing a lot about the future, as well, since I am supposedly, by nature, futuristic. At work, I often become frustrated with my writing, because of the quick turnaround time and the fact that I am often writing about things that I just learned about yesterday. It is hard to be clear and concise under such contraints. However, in writing about the future, I discovered that I will never be as terrible as Ed Wood. The following quote is from "Plan 9 from Outer Space". Please note, that the audience is first addressed as being interested in the then, the narrator goes ahead and switches gears, and tells you all about the past:

"Greetings, my friend. We are all interested in the future, for that is where you and I are going to spend the rest of our lives. And remember, my friend, future events such as these will affect you in the future. You are interested in the unknown... the mysterious. The unexplainable. That is why you are here. And now, for the first time, we are bringing to you, the full story of what happened on that fateful day. We are bringing you all the evidence, based only on the secret testimony, of the miserable souls, who survived this terrifying ordeal. The incidents, the places. My friend, we cannot keep this a secret any longer. Let us punish the guilty. Let us reward the innocent. My friend, can your heart stand the shocking facts of grave robbers from outer space?"

Thursday, December 6, 2007

How I Am Different from my Best Friend:

I hear, "first date to a tree farm to chop down a little Douglas fir for the holidays", and I think, "Ooh, fun!".

She hears this and thinks, "he's probably going to chop me up and murder me!".

Dude, go on your date, text me with his license plate information, and stay away from the axe.

Have fun, be yourself.

Sunday, December 2, 2007

Unlikely Super Heroes...

Aquaman is the most disdained super hero ever. Recent criticism of his lame super powers led to a correspondence between me and a friend regarding other unlikely super heroes.

Here are my contributions:

- Rocketman: the ability to hide his identity; he's not the man they think he is at home. Oh, no. No, no. He's Rocketman.
- Obamaman: the ability to convince a group of people you could be their leader even though your middle name is 'Hussein' and many of the people who support you spent the greater portion of this decade being afraid of Arabs.
- Particle-Man: the ability to be in a song by They Might Be Giants.
- Triange-Man: see above.
- Universe-Man: see above.
- Foreman: a renaissance man of sorts; he's a golfer, a construction worker, a jury member, a city in Arkansas, and, if the words "of Signals" follow his name, he is also the most highly qualified non-commissioned signal equipment managers and Incorporated Engineers in the Royal Corps of Signals.
- Bitterman: the ability to never-ever-never-ever-ever let go of a grudge.
- Walkman and Discman: both with the ability to become items that only those earning less than $20K per year possess after the ipod is released.

And, these were not some of my contributions:

- Hans Moleman - ability to perform as loveable simpsons character.
- George Foreman - ability to grill sausages.
- Moldman: the ability to speed up the molding process of food items (ie: bread)
- Landman: the ability to foresee the erosion of land for up to (and including) 10 years into the future
- Leiderman: the ability to be jewish
- Folkman: his gentle voice calms even the most hardend criminal.
- Milkman: can deliver milk and dairy goods on an almost regular basis.
- Tim the Toolman Taylor - can captivate an audience of millions with fresh, new ideas in comedy.
- The Belt Brothers: they borrow each others belts for the greater good of the galaxy.
- Talkman: he can talk really slow or really fast.
- Hoboman: can collect change from passersby in a matter of hours.

However, we could have never been ready for the power of Tree Man from Indonesia.